They say we need to improve ourselves, continuously, non-stop... We need to be better, healthier, more successful, more popular, more important than we are... We should be eating better food, engaging in better exercise routines and everything should be way better than it is right now... We should be better than we are right now... Right?
Or is it?
We are getting a message that somehow we need to try to be better than we are... But how can we be better than we ARE right NOW? We are who we are. And we are who we are NOW. How can we be someone else? Is who we are right now is not enough?
What we see everywhere, wherever we would go is that we need to IMPROVE. There are so many posts, articles, ads, and advice on how to be better at things and how to do things better, all of which is classified under a positive improvement but…
At the same time, I am not advocating for entitlement, for inaction or lack of striving to pursue your purpose.
I am advocating for inspired action, for walking your talk, for putting your heart in what you believe in.
However, self-improvement’s driven from “because I’m not good enough” thinking is not the best way of doing it. At least not for the long term. Self-improvement can become a form of self-punishment when approached from that angle.
And that’s not why we started this self-improvement in the first place, at least we didn't have an intention to punish ourselves with it, right?
Good enough for WHO? And good enough for WHAT?
It is bad enough when other people tell us that (indirectly sometimes, but still) we are not good enough. It is still possible to stay strong within oneself and believe that “well, that’s their opinion... Actually I think I’m all right”. However, internal pressure and the real nightmare start when we start to tell ourselves (or even believe) that somehow we are in fact not good enough. Especially when this “not good enough” starts to affect what we allow ourselves to do and what kind of life we allow ourselves to live.
I will give you an example.
Say we decided we wanted to have a relationship and find a partner, but we have decided that we are not good enough. Something is lacking in us, and therefore we somehow are not good enough to have one. Or we may have explained the situation like this: because we don’t have a partner, it must be because we are not good enough.
How does that look like in practical terms?
We say things to ourselves and other people that sound a bit like this:
“I will meet someone once I have cleared my childhood wounds.”
“I will enlist myself on a dating site once I lost some weight.”
“I will find someone who can love me once I change my job and move to London.”
“I will have time for somebody in my life after I finish this project and will have more free time [project ongoing for the last 3 years now...]”
You get the idea...
ANY delay used as an excuse not to let yourself have/do something that your heart deeply desires indicates “Not Good Enough” disease.
So what is the remedy? Of course, we can go to therapies and do piles of exercises to change our beliefs and try to dig out the point in our lives when we accepted the idea of not being good enough (and yes - many of those techniques can work wonders and can be useful as I have seen from my own experience)...
BUT, before you do anything else, it all starts with FIRST considering this idea:
What if I am ALREADY good enough?
Take a pause and REALLY allow yourself to consider this.
You can do this like a game: pretend that you are already good enough.
So if you were already good enough for X, Y, Z (insert the thing that you desire), what would you do?
How would you behave?
What would you wear?
How would you speak?
Take a minute to really connect with that. Imagine you are ALREADY that person. Stay in that mode. Stay a bit longer. Feel the relief of already being THAT person.
How was it?
The No Secret Secret
Now let me tell you a secret. What you felt just now was all you. All you were doing is connecting to that feeling (vibrational frequency) of already being good enough for whatever you want. I call this experience accessing your emotional frequency ident (EFI).
I’ll give you a bit of explanation from the metaphysical point of view on how this works.
When we want something, and we don’t have that something - that happens because our vibration (or we can say energy) doesn’t match that of the thing we want. It doesn’t mean we don’t deserve it. It doesn’t mean we are not good enough; it just means that we are currently not in tune with that thing that we want. We are like radio stations that can play the music of the channel that we have tuned in. So if you don’t like the music, you can change the channel. Tuning your frequency into the station that plays the music you like translates into aligning yourself with the life circumstances you want to experience. Being good enough doesn’t have anything to do with it. Ability to tune in – does.
Isn’t that too simple?
Yes and no. Technically speaking – it is simple. Practically speaking – it might be a bit more tricky to do.
However, the important thing to understand is that it is absolutely possible and that YOU can do that.
So, if you find it difficult to tune into to the frequency where you feel that you are good enough already (for whatever X, Y Z that you are desiring) I have a couple of tools that you could use to train yourself to get in tune and release the blocks.
The same applies if when you did the exercise (accessing EFI), you were not able to grasp the feeling fully or if it didn’t last long.
That only means that there is no straight access to that state for you yet, but it is a situation that is solvable.
Two things need to change:
1) the habit of thinking that you are not good enough; and
2) the habit of not living in the attunement with the thing that you desire.
Changing Not Good Enough thinking into Good Enough thinking
The “not good enough” thinking didn’t happen overnight, so it will likely not go away overnight either. Awareness of it and decision to change it, however, is already half job done. The awareness is not the only thing we can do, though. We can learn to train our brain/thoughts muscle to focus on ourselves in the “I’m good enough” or even “I’m enough” way.
To do that we can employ mechanics. If we write every day, 20 things that are good enough about us for one month, we get into the habit of focusing towards ourselves positively. We start to change our habit.
To help you with this, I have created the exercise sheet. You can download it here.
Changing Not Living In Attunement into Living In Attunement
Changing our circumstances is an inside job. Surely we might need to take action and decide how to move forward into where we want to be. However, the easiest way of doing it is to start with exercising our energetic muscle. It is like practising hitting the right note – we are practising the energy of being in that space of the desired outcome.
To do this, you can do the exercise mentioned earlier: connect to the feeling of already being good enough for the thing you desire and make a practice out of it.
You can expand it as far as you want it. In addition to
"what would you do if you were already good enough for x, y, z? "
"How would you behave ... ? "
"What would you wear ... ? "
"How would you speak ... ?"
You can add these questions:
"What would I eat ... ? "
"What my face expression would look like ... ?"
"What things would I allow myself to buy ... ?"
"How would I treat myself ... ?"
"How would I talk to myself ... ?"
"How would I go to sleep ... ?"
"What my routine would look like ... ?"
"What would my room look like ... ?"
And then start implementing them one by one.
Do this daily, when you have a few minutes and better yet half an hour and allow yourself to immerse in practical bits of you living as if you are already good enough to have X, Y, Z.
Why is it important?
Introducing this energy state (vibrational frequency or EFI) in your life daily will start to shift you and your energy field. Your energy field will begin attracting different circumstances, and you will start to get glimpses to what it feels like to be in that state. Once you begin to have access to that state, you will begin to see your life differently and get a clear picture of what needs to change. If you go with it, the whole process will unfold organically.
Of course, there is also an opportunity to have a really good look at what happened in your life for deep divers so that you decided that you were not good enough for the XYZ.
There is also an opportunity to write down all trauma points, bring your awareness how you had ended up believing the things about yourself, and go back in your memories and retrieve the parts of you that are stuck in a time when you were hurt. If you do this, I recommend going with it gently and getting your hands on Teal Swan’s book “The Completion Process” which is a perfect guide to do it step by step.
( I will leave the deep-dive details for another time as this is another deep topic altogether.)
It doesn’t matter at what stage you are in your life right now, and even how far or deep you want to go with changing it into what you want, one thing that I wish to you remember is this:
You were, you are, and you will always be good enough to be loved and supported. You have that right. You were born like this, and nothing that has ever happened to you did or can ever take that away from you. You are good enough already.
P.S. If you want to try out what would you feel like after 28 days of changing your focus to why you are good enough - download the worksheets that I have specifically designed for you to fill in. Enjoy good luck, and you are welcome! :)