Updated: Jul 21, 2020
When we do something to people who we care about what hurts them in some way, the first response for some of us could be "defense". This is often because we feel like we being made into "bad" people, even though we never had any intention to hurt anyone. Also, this often covers and other emotions - which is super hard to feel consciously - SHAME.
It is quite natural that we don't want to experience unpleasant emotions - it doesn't feel good. However - they do happen.
And then, if every time when we are experiencing them we are doing anything to "make it go away", we kind of creating a phobia and mark those emotions as "do anything to avoid them".
Then our actions become guided not so much what we want to do and experience but by "how to get away in life without ever feeling those unpleasant feelings again", which makes our lives driven but "don't want to" rather than "want to".
Once we learn that we are capable to go through difficult emotions, survive AND become better and stronger then before (aka Emotional Strength), our confidence and self-trust really grows, as we understand that we can handle EVERYTHING head on and we don't need to escape from ANYTHING.