Q & A. Why Are Narcissists So Selfish?

From what I have learned about narcissists this selfishness come from a place of bottomless emptiness couple with self-hate. Externally, they may look like they love themselves and that is why they want things from themselves, but this is not exactly true. A person can be selfish, because internally they feel like they are lacking. If we look at more balanced people, who treat themselves well and with actual genuine love and kindness, we will see them doing the same thing towards other people. Internally they feel quite full, so they don’t have this desperate need for compensation by being selfish and not caring about needs of those around them.


Narcissus picture by Sandra Grünewald

The narcissist however has to overcompensate for this inherent lack of basically everything, therefore they behavior could be so self-centered and not considerate for other people.


Personally, I feel sorry for narcissists, but I tend to stay away because I tend to feel quite exhausted when interacting with them.


A curveball here for those who enjoy self-discovery in awareness: if we align with narcissists, it means there is a part of us who is a narcissist and we are suppressing it. Most likely - we don't identify with it and we embody the opposite (co-dependent). But if we wanted to truly tackle this dynamic from inside, we would need to move into direction of embracing our inner narcissist and meet the unmet needs, especially focusing on self-empathy and self-love, being kind to ourselves and eventually the polarization will soften in our internal dynamic and therefore we will stop attracting the narcissists in our lives.


There's beauty in all of us. But we need to be able to accept and own the ugliness first.

Wishing you plenty of self-love.


Ruta

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